1 00:00:03,233 --> 00:00:04,100 Keep laughing. 2 00:00:04,167 --> 00:00:05,367 Keep laughing. 3 00:00:05,367 --> 00:00:06,533 K-keep laughing! 4 00:00:06,533 --> 00:00:07,967 Curtis! 5 00:00:10,067 --> 00:00:10,733 Don't laugh. 6 00:00:10,733 --> 00:00:12,633 It ain't nothing funny. 7 00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:14,867 What is going on? 8 00:00:14,867 --> 00:00:16,200 Pops got a speeding ticket 9 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,833 Going 80 miles an hour. 10 00:00:17,833 --> 00:00:19,433 Then -- then he ran a red light 11 00:00:19,433 --> 00:00:20,767 And went the wrong way down a 12 00:00:20,767 --> 00:00:22,367 One-way street. 13 00:00:22,367 --> 00:00:23,967 Curtis, how do you get a 14 00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:25,267 Speeding ticket on your way to 15 00:00:25,267 --> 00:00:26,067 A fire? 16 00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:26,900 Oh, no, no, no. 17 00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:28,267 He wasn't on his way to a fire. 18 00:00:28,267 --> 00:00:29,100 He was going to buy some 19 00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:30,100 Doughnuts. 20 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:31,133 [ chuckles ] 21 00:00:31,133 --> 00:00:32,133 Them cops was mad that I got 22 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,233 There before they did. 23 00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:36,300 Oh, baby, you deserve this 24 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:37,100 Ticket. 25 00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:38,767 Ought to be ashamed of yourself. 26 00:00:38,767 --> 00:00:39,600 No, he ought to be ashamed 27 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:40,933 Of himself. 28 00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:42,067 Do you know while that cop was 29 00:00:42,067 --> 00:00:44,000 Writing me a ticket, his partner 30 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,767 Was taking all the doughnuts 31 00:00:45,767 --> 00:00:46,967 With the sprinkles on it? 32 00:00:46,967 --> 00:00:47,833 That's my favorite one with the 33 00:00:47,833 --> 00:00:48,600 Sprinkles. 34 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:49,567 Everybody know that. 35 00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:51,267 Pops, he was doing his job. 36 00:00:51,267 --> 00:00:52,600 No, he wasn't doing his job. 37 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,267 That ain't his job, taking 38 00:00:54,267 --> 00:00:55,500 Sprinkled doughnuts. 39 00:00:56,867 --> 00:00:59,067 Curtis, calm down, baby. 40 00:00:59,067 --> 00:01:00,100 That's easy for you to say, 41 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,067 Ella. 42 00:01:01,067 --> 00:01:01,867 You ain't the one that's got to 43 00:01:01,867 --> 00:01:03,267 Take online traffic school. 44 00:01:03,267 --> 00:01:04,167 Pop, you don't have to do 45 00:01:04,167 --> 00:01:05,133 It. 46 00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:06,200 You can just pay the ticket. 47 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,233 And you can just get out. 48 00:01:08,233 --> 00:01:09,700 How about that? 49 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:11,400 I'm telling you, calvin, it seem 50 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,233 Like they would extend a little 51 00:01:13,233 --> 00:01:14,867 Professional courtesy to a 52 00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:15,800 Fireman. 53 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:16,733 Hey, baby, they probably 54 00:01:16,733 --> 00:01:18,633 Would if you were speeding for 55 00:01:18,633 --> 00:01:20,400 Professional reasons. 56 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,433 Yeah, and a bear claw ain't 57 00:01:21,433 --> 00:01:22,300 One of 'em. 58 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:25,867 I got your bear claw. 59 00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:30,067 Calvin! 60 00:01:30,067 --> 00:01:31,900 Curtis! Whoa, baby! 61 00:01:34,133 --> 00:01:35,467 Oh, ho-ho-ho! 62 00:01:44,833 --> 00:01:46,067 To complete online traffic 63 00:01:46,067 --> 00:01:47,433 School, please answer the 64 00:01:47,433 --> 00:01:48,533 Following questions for 65 00:01:48,533 --> 00:01:50,067 Identity verification. 66 00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:51,400 What is your favorite color? 67 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:52,700 That's easy. That's easy. 68 00:01:54,233 --> 00:01:55,167 Blue. 69 00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:58,767 What is your favorite food? 70 00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:04,233 Uh, that's easy -- pork chops 71 00:02:04,233 --> 00:02:11,067 And mac and cheese and collard 72 00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:17,667 Greens and catfish fried hard. 73 00:02:20,433 --> 00:02:21,967 Please list only one food 74 00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:22,800 Item. 75 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:23,700 [ sighs ] 76 00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:24,533 They make me waste all my 77 00:02:24,533 --> 00:02:26,500 Strength trying to type. 78 00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:27,800 Okay. 79 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,767 Pork chops -- just pork chops. 80 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,367 What is your weight? 81 00:02:33,367 --> 00:02:34,233 What that got to do with the 82 00:02:34,233 --> 00:02:35,100 Test? 83 00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:39,933 I see why. 84 00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:42,633 What is the name of your 85 00:02:42,633 --> 00:02:44,233 Childhood pet? 86 00:02:44,233 --> 00:02:45,500 Oh. Stinky. 87 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:47,667 Identity verification 88 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,067 Completed. 89 00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,167 It's almost like he here. 90 00:02:50,167 --> 00:02:51,533 What are you doing? 91 00:02:51,533 --> 00:02:52,300 I'm doing something you 92 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,100 Ought to try sometime. 93 00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:53,833 It's called minding your 94 00:02:53,833 --> 00:02:54,700 Business. 95 00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:56,300 Press enter to begin. 96 00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,767 Oh, online traffic school. 97 00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:00,100 I never got tickets because I 98 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:01,600 Have cleavage. 99 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,567 Well, you do, too, but I guess 100 00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:04,867 It's not the same. 101 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,167 You may now proceed with 102 00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:08,167 Online traffic school. 103 00:03:08,167 --> 00:03:09,100 Okay. 104 00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:09,900 If you're nice, I'll give 105 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:11,100 You a tip on how to pass the 106 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:12,067 Class. 107 00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:12,967 This is about as nice as I'm 108 00:03:12,967 --> 00:03:14,200 Gonna be with you in the room, 109 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,467 All right? 110 00:03:15,467 --> 00:03:17,067 Ok, fine. 111 00:03:17,067 --> 00:03:18,800 I'll tell you anyway. 112 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:19,900 The answer to the questions is 113 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,433 Always "C." 114 00:03:21,433 --> 00:03:23,367 That's ridiculous. 115 00:03:23,367 --> 00:03:24,200 When approaching a stop 116 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,933 Sign, a driver should "A," 117 00:03:25,933 --> 00:03:26,667 Continue through the 118 00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:27,667 Intersection... 119 00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:28,433 Mnh-mnh. That ain't it. 120 00:03:28,433 --> 00:03:29,533 ..."B," merge to the right, 121 00:03:29,533 --> 00:03:30,767 Allowing other vehicles to 122 00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:32,633 Pass, or "C," stop. 123 00:03:34,967 --> 00:03:35,700 "C." 124 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:36,600 Correct. 125 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:37,400 I told you so. 126 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,267 That's just one question. 127 00:03:39,267 --> 00:03:41,100 When making a 3-point turn, 128 00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:42,667 You should "A," stop the car 129 00:03:42,667 --> 00:03:45,467 Suddenly, "B," skid on a pool 130 00:03:45,467 --> 00:03:47,567 Of water, or "C," turn the car 131 00:03:47,567 --> 00:03:49,200 In three distinct directions. 132 00:03:51,133 --> 00:03:52,667 Ok. "C." 133 00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:53,500 Correct. 134 00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:56,200 Think you know everything. 135 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,700 Just about. 136 00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:58,733 Ella! 137 00:03:58,733 --> 00:03:59,600 Hmm? 138 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:00,833 I'm running to the store to 139 00:04:00,833 --> 00:04:02,333 Play the lottery. 140 00:04:02,333 --> 00:04:04,100 You want to ride with me? 141 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,433 No, I don't play the lottery 142 00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:06,800 And neither should you. 143 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,833 Well, normally I don't, but 144 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,333 I had a dream while taking my 145 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,233 Beauty nap. 146 00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:12,167 Beauty nap? 147 00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:13,600 Yeah, you need to have another 148 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:14,467 One 'cause the first one didn't 149 00:04:14,467 --> 00:04:16,233 Take. 150 00:04:16,233 --> 00:04:18,233 Anyway, I dreamt that I was 151 00:04:18,233 --> 00:04:20,200 Sitting on my daddy's porch, and 152 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,967 My husband's car drove by with 153 00:04:21,967 --> 00:04:23,233 Three midgets strapped to the 154 00:04:23,233 --> 00:04:24,867 Hood. 155 00:04:24,867 --> 00:04:25,833 What does that have to do 156 00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,133 With playing the lottery? 157 00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:28,767 Well, my daddy's address is 158 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:30,500 1728. 159 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:33,300 Hubert's birthday is 5/16/40. 160 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:34,867 And according to my dream book, 161 00:04:34,867 --> 00:04:35,700 Three midgets are a sign of 162 00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:37,800 Completion. 163 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,667 Okay. 164 00:04:39,667 --> 00:04:41,500 Don't you see, ella? 165 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:42,833 My dream is telling me to play 166 00:04:42,833 --> 00:04:46,700 17, 28, 5, 16, 40, and 3 in 167 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:47,833 Tonight's lottery. 168 00:04:47,833 --> 00:04:48,967 Okay, go ahead. 169 00:04:48,967 --> 00:04:50,533 But I am not riding to the store 170 00:04:50,533 --> 00:04:51,467 With you so you can play the 171 00:04:51,467 --> 00:04:52,633 Lottery. 172 00:04:52,633 --> 00:04:53,700 It is a waste of time and my 173 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:54,733 Money. 174 00:04:54,733 --> 00:04:55,533 No, it's not. 175 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,367 Curtis, don't you play the 176 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:00,400 Lottery sometimes? 177 00:05:01,633 --> 00:05:02,467 Don't you see I'm trying to 178 00:05:02,467 --> 00:05:03,600 Take a test, claretha? 179 00:05:04,767 --> 00:05:06,067 I've seen him. 180 00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:07,867 4 to win, 5 to scratch off. 181 00:05:07,867 --> 00:05:10,533 Okay, claretha, don't play 182 00:05:10,533 --> 00:05:12,067 The lottery today. 183 00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:14,933 Let's go and get pedicures. 184 00:05:14,933 --> 00:05:17,067 Pedicures are way more fun than 185 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,367 Standing in the line, paying 186 00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:20,067 Your money for the lottery. 187 00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:21,400 I don't know, ella. 188 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,733 My dream book is telling me that 189 00:05:22,733 --> 00:05:23,900 Three midgets should not be 190 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,067 Ignored. 191 00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,100 Claretha. 192 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,933 Well, I could use a good 193 00:05:29,933 --> 00:05:31,300 Foot massage. 194 00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:32,100 [ giggles ] 195 00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:32,867 Okay. 196 00:05:32,867 --> 00:05:33,600 Then that settles it. 197 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,467 Hey, ella, you might want to 198 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:35,333 Stop at the hardware store, 199 00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:36,067 Baby. 200 00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:36,667 Why? 201 00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:37,767 Some eye goggles -- after 202 00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:38,800 They get to chipping off of 203 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:39,767 Claretha's feet, you gonna need 204 00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:41,100 To protect your eyes. 205 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,500 [ laughs ] 206 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:48,733 Curtis payne has initiated a 207 00:05:48,733 --> 00:05:49,933 Pause. 208 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:50,900 Program is paused. 209 00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:01,833 To resume testing, press the 210 00:06:01,833 --> 00:06:02,733 Enter key. 211 00:06:05,267 --> 00:06:06,800 Welcome back, curtis payne. 212 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,300 You may now begin section two. 213 00:06:11,833 --> 00:06:13,533 Pop? 214 00:06:13,533 --> 00:06:15,100 What? I'm making a smoothie. 215 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:16,167 Uh... 216 00:06:17,833 --> 00:06:19,233 To verify identity, please 217 00:06:19,233 --> 00:06:20,900 Enter your favorite color. 218 00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:23,200 Oh, that's easy. Blue. 219 00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:26,333 Correct. 220 00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:28,133 What is your favorite food? 221 00:06:28,133 --> 00:06:31,467 Pork chops, macaroni and 222 00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:32,733 Cheese... 223 00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:35,533 Please list only one food 224 00:06:35,533 --> 00:06:36,900 Item. 225 00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:38,067 Pork chops. 226 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,067 Correct. 227 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:41,900 What is the name of your 228 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:42,900 Childhood pet? 229 00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:44,700 Oh. I know this one. 230 00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,633 Uh...It's something with an -- 231 00:06:47,633 --> 00:06:50,100 With an odor. 232 00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:55,500 Smelly, funky, musty. Tart. 233 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,133 Pops! Pops! 234 00:06:59,133 --> 00:07:00,400 What? I'm coming! What? 235 00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:04,300 Um, what's the name of that 236 00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,367 Stinky dog that you had when 237 00:07:05,367 --> 00:07:06,167 You were a kid? 238 00:07:06,167 --> 00:07:09,800 You have 5 seconds, 4, 3, 239 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:10,800 2 -- 240 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:11,633 Tart. 241 00:07:11,633 --> 00:07:12,600 Stinky. 242 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,533 Incorrect. 243 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,167 Identity fraud detected. 244 00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:16,367 Curtis payne must report in 245 00:07:16,367 --> 00:07:17,867 Person to verify identity and 246 00:07:17,867 --> 00:07:19,233 Complete exam. 247 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:28,067 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 248 00:07:28,067 --> 00:07:28,767 We can start over. 249 00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:30,767 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 250 00:07:30,767 --> 00:07:31,500 Oh, my god. 251 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:32,167 What you doing? 252 00:07:32,167 --> 00:07:33,767 Yaaaah! 253 00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:36,800 I'll kill you! I'll kill you! 254 00:07:39,967 --> 00:07:40,867 Whoo. 255 00:07:40,867 --> 00:07:41,733 Claretha, you think curtis is 256 00:07:41,733 --> 00:07:42,767 Gonna like my feet? 257 00:07:42,767 --> 00:07:43,767 Oh, girl, once he sees that 258 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,967 Fire-engine red nail polish, he 259 00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:46,767 Is not gonna be able to keep 260 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,367 His hands off you... 261 00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:50,267 Unfortunately. 262 00:07:50,267 --> 00:07:51,767 Well, it's 7:00. 263 00:07:51,767 --> 00:07:53,233 Let me get dinner ready. 264 00:07:53,233 --> 00:07:54,767 7:00? 265 00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:57,067 Can I check the lottery numbers? 266 00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:58,067 Go ahead. 267 00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:00,967 And tonight's winning 268 00:08:00,967 --> 00:08:02,567 Numbers for the $1 million 269 00:08:02,567 --> 00:08:07,433 Jackpot are -- 17, 28, 5... 270 00:08:07,433 --> 00:08:08,967 Come on. Come on. Come on. 271 00:08:08,967 --> 00:08:13,267 ...16, 40, and 3. 272 00:08:13,267 --> 00:08:17,367 Aah! Ella! Ella, I won! 273 00:08:17,367 --> 00:08:18,933 I'm a millionaire! 274 00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:21,700 I hit the lotto. 275 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,333 I hit the lotto. 276 00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:26,567 I hit the lotto. Uh-huh. 277 00:08:26,567 --> 00:08:30,100 I'm rich. I'm rich. I'm rich. 278 00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:33,167 Babe. Honey. Honey. Honey. 279 00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:34,100 Yeah. Yeah. 280 00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:35,967 You got to play the lottery 281 00:08:35,967 --> 00:08:37,933 Before you can win the lottery, 282 00:08:37,933 --> 00:08:38,800 Right? 283 00:08:40,933 --> 00:08:44,733 Oh, no. I didn't play. 284 00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:48,067 Why did I listen to you? 285 00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:50,867 I listened to the wrong midget. 286 00:08:56,900 --> 00:08:58,133 Pops, I'm telling you, your 287 00:08:58,133 --> 00:08:59,233 Dog's name was tart. 288 00:08:59,233 --> 00:09:00,167 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 289 00:09:00,167 --> 00:09:00,900 Wait a minute. 290 00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:01,733 How you gonna tell me what my 291 00:09:01,733 --> 00:09:02,433 Dog's name was? 292 00:09:02,433 --> 00:09:03,333 I know what my dog -- it was my 293 00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:05,233 Dog, named after my uncle 294 00:09:05,233 --> 00:09:07,067 Stinky. 295 00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:08,067 And don't ask. 296 00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:08,867 Why do I have to be here 297 00:09:08,867 --> 00:09:09,633 Anyway? 298 00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:10,533 I didn't get a ticket. 299 00:09:10,533 --> 00:09:11,400 Yeah, well, you're the reason 300 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:11,967 Why I'm here. 301 00:09:11,967 --> 00:09:12,933 That's why I failed 'cause of 302 00:09:12,933 --> 00:09:14,800 You, so sit down. 303 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,300 Stop talking in class. 304 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:17,800 Oh, so sorry that I'm late, 305 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:18,867 Class. 306 00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:20,300 I was practicing with my reggae 307 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:21,233 Band. 308 00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:22,467 We've got the keys to the 309 00:09:22,467 --> 00:09:23,667 Dreadlocks. 310 00:09:23,667 --> 00:09:25,100 [ laughs ] 311 00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:27,067 Oh, my god. 312 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,267 Chief payne! O.M.G! 313 00:09:30,267 --> 00:09:31,567 I was telling my girlfriend how 314 00:09:31,567 --> 00:09:32,933 Much I missed you. 315 00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:33,933 Girlfriend? 316 00:09:33,933 --> 00:09:36,067 Oh, yes. I must be dreaming. 317 00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:37,267 Pinch me. No, seriously. 318 00:09:37,267 --> 00:09:37,933 Come on, pinch me. 319 00:09:37,933 --> 00:09:38,800 No. 320 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:39,567 Hey, calvin, you do the 321 00:09:39,567 --> 00:09:40,167 Honors. 322 00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:41,167 No. I'm cool. 323 00:09:41,167 --> 00:09:43,700 Okay. Class, I am walter. 324 00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,533 Welcome to comedy traffic 325 00:09:45,533 --> 00:09:47,200 School, where we tickle your 326 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,200 Tickets away. 327 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,067 [ chuckles ] 328 00:09:49,067 --> 00:09:50,400 Say that five times fast. 329 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,567 All: tickle our tickets -- 330 00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:52,700 Uh-uh-uh! 331 00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:54,200 I didn't say "Simon says." 332 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,067 [ laughs ] 333 00:09:57,900 --> 00:10:00,000 [ laughing ] Simon says. 334 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,433 [ sighs ] 335 00:10:02,433 --> 00:10:03,467 I thought it was funny. 336 00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:04,300 Walter, what are you doing 337 00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:05,300 Teaching this class? 338 00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:06,133 I thought you were supposed 339 00:10:06,133 --> 00:10:06,733 To be an anger 340 00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:09,133 Management/relationship coach. 341 00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:10,500 I have many hats. 342 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:11,667 Let me show you some. 343 00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,767 Okay, I have cowboy hats. 344 00:10:13,767 --> 00:10:14,933 Woo-hoo! Giddy up, partner! 345 00:10:16,467 --> 00:10:18,933 Party hats. Surprise! 346 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,900 And beanies. Shaba! 347 00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:25,267 [ imitates reggae music ] 348 00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:26,133 Okay, this is gonna be a long 349 00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:27,033 Class. 350 00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:30,500 All right, let's jump right in, 351 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:31,333 Shall we? 352 00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:33,200 Everyone, I want you to decide 353 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,967 For yourself -- what do I want 354 00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:38,400 To get out of this class? 355 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,967 Ooh! Ooh! I know. I know. 356 00:10:39,967 --> 00:10:41,100 Yes. 357 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,633 I want to just get out of 358 00:10:42,633 --> 00:10:44,000 This class. 359 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,600 [ laughter ] 360 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:46,733 Like now. 361 00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:47,667 All right, just leave the 362 00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:49,433 Comedy to me, mr. Funny pants, 363 00:10:49,433 --> 00:10:51,467 Okay? 364 00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:53,633 Now, today, I want you to 365 00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:55,700 Imagine, visualize, the type of 366 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,500 Vehicle that you are in. 367 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,567 Chief payne, I see you in a 368 00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:01,867 Candy-apple-red fire truck. 369 00:11:01,867 --> 00:11:02,667 I don't want to be a fire 370 00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:03,367 Truck. 371 00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:04,600 That's the reason I'm here. 372 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:05,333 Ooh. 373 00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:07,167 A big, bright-yellow dump truck. 374 00:11:08,933 --> 00:11:10,200 Why I got to be a dump truck? 375 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,300 Because you're big and 376 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,567 Strong, and, you know, you carry 377 00:11:13,567 --> 00:11:15,233 A lot of weight. 378 00:11:15,233 --> 00:11:16,133 Calvin... 379 00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:17,200 I'm a sports car! 380 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,067 Hmm...Not sensing that. 381 00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:22,200 I'm seeing you on a scooter -- 382 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,567 Powder blue. 383 00:11:23,567 --> 00:11:25,567 Wonderful. 384 00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:28,067 Okay, before we start, remember, 385 00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:30,300 Let's lock our doors, fasten 386 00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,767 Our seat belts. 387 00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:33,400 Before we pull into traffic, we 388 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,533 Need to make sure we use our 389 00:11:34,533 --> 00:11:37,267 Side-view mirror and remember 390 00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:38,800 Objects may be closer than they 391 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,900 Actually appear. 392 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,200 You know, he's actually 393 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,867 Stranger than he appears. 394 00:11:43,867 --> 00:11:47,733 [ laughter ] 395 00:11:47,733 --> 00:11:49,800 Chief payne, focus. 396 00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:52,433 Hey, this is pretty fun. 397 00:11:52,433 --> 00:11:54,200 Yes, it is fun, okay? 398 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,233 So, here we go. 399 00:11:55,233 --> 00:11:56,167 We're rolling along. 400 00:11:56,167 --> 00:11:57,067 We're rolling along. 401 00:11:57,067 --> 00:11:58,300 Ooh, who do I see there? 402 00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,433 It's mr. Postman. 403 00:11:59,433 --> 00:12:01,267 Hi, mr. Postman. 404 00:12:01,267 --> 00:12:02,600 What's up, tyrell! 405 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,667 What's happening, dawg? 406 00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:04,833 I thought you was off. 407 00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:06,200 No, you didn't quit? 408 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,067 Hey, let's merge onto the 409 00:12:07,067 --> 00:12:07,833 Highway. 410 00:12:07,833 --> 00:12:08,533 How about it? 411 00:12:08,533 --> 00:12:11,200 Vroom, vroom, vroooommmm. 412 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,400 This is ridiculous! 413 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,200 I'm s-- I got to get out of 414 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,500 Here, I got to get out of here. 415 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,500 No, no, chief payne. 416 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,367 Chief payne, don't let go of the 417 00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:17,067 Wheel. 418 00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:18,567 Stop! You'll kill yourself! 419 00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:19,867 If I got to die to get out 420 00:12:19,867 --> 00:12:21,500 This class, let me die! 421 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,867 No, chief payne, I'll save 422 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,167 You! 423 00:12:24,167 --> 00:12:26,700 [ imitates slow motion ] 424 00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:33,400 [ imitates impact thud ] 425 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,133 [ imitates air bag ] 426 00:12:36,133 --> 00:12:37,800 Walter, what are you doing? 427 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,133 I'm your personal air bag, 428 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,400 And I just deployed, saving 429 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,167 Your life. 430 00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:42,667 Thank me later. 431 00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:43,967 [ imitates air bag ] 432 00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:55,833 Hey, ree-ree! 433 00:12:57,233 --> 00:12:59,067 I'm so glad you came over to see 434 00:12:59,067 --> 00:13:00,200 Me. 435 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,367 I made you some coffee. 436 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,767 Oh, look, a coupon for 437 00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:07,667 Waffle world. 438 00:13:07,667 --> 00:13:09,933 Oh, but if I had $1 million, I 439 00:13:09,933 --> 00:13:11,200 Wouldn't need a coupon. 440 00:13:12,767 --> 00:13:13,500 You know what? 441 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,667 I would still use my coupon. 442 00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:17,700 Coffeecake. 443 00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:22,800 Oh, a baby-blue convertible. 444 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:25,967 I was going to buy a convertible 445 00:13:25,967 --> 00:13:27,200 Before my $1 million went 446 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,800 "Poof." 447 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,333 A convertible? 448 00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:32,800 Convertibles are so overrated, 449 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,200 And you wear wigs. 450 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:35,400 And your wig would just be 451 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,100 Flying down the highway. 452 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,300 We don't want that. 453 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:39,667 [ laughs ] 454 00:13:40,833 --> 00:13:43,133 Oh, looky there. 455 00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:45,400 Oprah and gayle. 456 00:13:46,967 --> 00:13:48,500 I used to have a good friend 457 00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:49,833 Just like that. 458 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,500 But then she cost me $1 million. 459 00:13:55,233 --> 00:13:56,433 Claretha, how many ways can 460 00:13:56,433 --> 00:13:59,100 I say I am sorry? 461 00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:00,500 [ gasps ] 462 00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:03,800 A diamond-encrusted mobile with 463 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,600 Walkie-talkie chirp and gps. 464 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,633 Ooh, if I had that, I could 465 00:14:09,633 --> 00:14:12,300 Locate my real friends. 466 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:14,733 Okay, listen. 467 00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:15,600 Claretha, what you're not gonna 468 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,967 Do is eat my food, drink my 469 00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:18,233 Drink, and come up in my house 470 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,067 And ignore me. 471 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,767 Ella, you don't understand. 472 00:14:21,767 --> 00:14:22,933 This was the big one. 473 00:14:22,933 --> 00:14:25,133 My number came up, and I lost 474 00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:26,700 Because I listened to you. 475 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,133 Okay, fine! I'm sorry. 476 00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,633 I said I was wrong. 477 00:14:30,633 --> 00:14:31,467 If it'll make you feel any 478 00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:33,067 Better, I'll just turn my back 479 00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:34,933 And let calvin buy you another 480 00:14:34,933 --> 00:14:36,667 Lottery ticket. 481 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,633 The only way that would work 482 00:14:37,633 --> 00:14:38,800 Is if you let calvin buy me one 483 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,867 Million lottery tickets and 484 00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:44,100 They all hit at the same time. 485 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,567 Fat chance of that happening. 486 00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:52,467 And so we have learned that 487 00:14:52,467 --> 00:14:53,867 A pedestrian has the 488 00:14:53,867 --> 00:14:55,600 Right-of-way, even if they don't 489 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,700 Walk right away, and some of us 490 00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:59,200 Learned that the hard way, 491 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,633 Didn't we? 492 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,367 How is your mother, by the way? 493 00:15:02,367 --> 00:15:03,700 Fantastic. Great. See? 494 00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:04,667 Isn't learning fun? 495 00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:05,733 Uh, excuse me. 496 00:15:05,733 --> 00:15:06,567 Yes. 497 00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:07,433 Can we have a break from all 498 00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:08,267 This fun? 499 00:15:08,267 --> 00:15:09,833 That's a great idea. 500 00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:11,467 Let's break dance. Everybody! 501 00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:14,167 [ imitates break-dance music ] 502 00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:15,300 Whoo! 503 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,733 Come on, come on. Bust a move. 504 00:15:18,733 --> 00:15:20,567 Bust a move. Woop, woop! 505 00:15:20,567 --> 00:15:21,900 Come on, spin me, chief, spin 506 00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:22,933 Me. 507 00:15:25,933 --> 00:15:27,700 Ooh. 508 00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:28,867 Okay, 10 minutes. 509 00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:32,067 Pops, I'm out of here. 510 00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:33,067 This is torture. 511 00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:34,333 Try to leave. I dare you. 512 00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:35,533 You won't get far with my foot 513 00:15:35,533 --> 00:15:36,467 In your butt. 514 00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:37,267 Come on, pops. 515 00:15:37,267 --> 00:15:38,267 I'm a grown man. 516 00:15:38,267 --> 00:15:39,700 And you'll be a grown man 517 00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:41,400 With a foot in your butt. 518 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,100 [ laughter ] 519 00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,233 Ha! Ha! Ha! 520 00:15:44,233 --> 00:15:45,167 You know, you two guys are 521 00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:46,067 Ten times funnier than the 522 00:15:46,067 --> 00:15:47,200 Teacher is, really. 523 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,067 That's because he's the 524 00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:49,067 Queen of no comedy. 525 00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:50,433 [ laughter ] 526 00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:51,300 See, that's what I'm talking 527 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:51,833 About. 528 00:15:51,833 --> 00:15:52,633 You two ought to be teaching 529 00:15:52,633 --> 00:15:53,400 This class. 530 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,367 Oh, yeah. You know what? 531 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:55,300 We could kick the queen of no 532 00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:56,133 Comedy out. 533 00:15:56,133 --> 00:15:57,067 No. We can't do that. 534 00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:58,067 Yes, we can. 535 00:15:58,067 --> 00:15:59,333 I think we can do it. 536 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,433 We got the people behind us. 537 00:16:00,433 --> 00:16:02,133 What do the people say? 538 00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:03,667 All: yeah! 539 00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:04,600 Get the door. Get the door. 540 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:07,433 But, wait! 541 00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:08,700 What's going on in there? 542 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:09,500 We're doing something you 543 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:10,333 Don't know nothing about -- 544 00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:11,100 Comedy! 545 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,067 Open this door. 546 00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:13,367 I'm -- I'm gonna -- 547 00:16:13,367 --> 00:16:15,067 What -- call your girlfriend? 548 00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:16,633 Yes, and she won't be happy 549 00:16:16,633 --> 00:16:18,067 About this. 550 00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:18,900 Everybody, we're gonna play 551 00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:20,267 A new game, and this game is 552 00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:22,933 Called, "Hit that fool." 553 00:16:22,933 --> 00:16:24,367 Now, let's say -- let's say -- 554 00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:25,900 Let's say you got somebody, and 555 00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:27,467 They're walking all slow across 556 00:16:27,467 --> 00:16:29,067 The street, and you get five 557 00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:30,233 Points if you... 558 00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:31,300 Hit that fool. 559 00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:32,233 Yes! 560 00:16:33,233 --> 00:16:34,933 And you get 50 points if you get 561 00:16:34,933 --> 00:16:36,533 A thug with pink rollers in his 562 00:16:36,533 --> 00:16:38,500 Hair, 50 points if you... 563 00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:39,933 Hit that fool. 564 00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:41,667 Yeah! 565 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,500 And you get 100 points if you 566 00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:45,633 Got somebody on a cell phone 567 00:16:45,633 --> 00:16:47,633 Holding up traffic, 100 points 568 00:16:47,633 --> 00:16:48,533 If you... 569 00:16:48,533 --> 00:16:49,900 Hit that fool. 570 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,100 Oh, y'all don't help me in 571 00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:52,067 Here today. 572 00:16:52,067 --> 00:16:53,133 [ laughs ] 573 00:16:53,133 --> 00:16:54,600 Hey, you get 1,000 points if we 574 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,767 Open up this door and y'all let 575 00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:58,367 That ugly man right there, let 576 00:16:58,367 --> 00:16:59,633 Him have it. 577 00:16:59,633 --> 00:17:00,667 Get your papers out. 578 00:17:00,667 --> 00:17:01,733 Get your books. 579 00:17:01,733 --> 00:17:02,833 Get your bibles -- whatever you 580 00:17:02,833 --> 00:17:03,733 Got. 581 00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:04,800 Open the door. 582 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,567 1,000 points if you... 583 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:07,933 Hit that fool! 584 00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:09,067 Hit that fool! 585 00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:10,233 No! 586 00:17:10,233 --> 00:17:11,800 [ laughter ] 587 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:14,900 Bam! 588 00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:17,700 Y'all have passed your class. 589 00:17:21,533 --> 00:17:23,200 Here you go, claretha. 590 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,733 I hope you enjoy this one more 591 00:17:24,733 --> 00:17:25,700 Than that one. 592 00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:26,800 Oh, it won't do. 593 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,067 You haven't even tasted it. 594 00:17:28,067 --> 00:17:29,400 Too many bubbles. 595 00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:35,267 Ooh! My, it's hot in here. 596 00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:37,267 I said, it's hot in here. 597 00:17:37,267 --> 00:17:38,767 Seriously, claretha, you 598 00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,767 Have got to just get over it. 599 00:17:40,767 --> 00:17:41,600 Well, can you at least hand 600 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:42,400 Me the remote? 601 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:43,333 Get it yourself. 602 00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:45,333 I am through catering to you, 603 00:17:45,333 --> 00:17:46,233 Okay? 604 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,900 I am sorry that you did not win 605 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,533 $1 million, but I don't know 606 00:17:49,533 --> 00:17:50,500 What else to do to convince you 607 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:51,433 Of that. 608 00:17:51,433 --> 00:17:52,333 Well, you could try saying 609 00:17:52,333 --> 00:17:54,333 It 999,000 more times. 610 00:17:57,867 --> 00:17:58,867 This just in -- last night's 611 00:17:58,867 --> 00:18:00,500 $1 million dollar jackpot will 612 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:01,667 Be awarded to half a million 613 00:18:01,667 --> 00:18:02,733 Winners. 614 00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:04,267 Each winner will receive a mere 615 00:18:04,267 --> 00:18:05,533 $2. 616 00:18:05,533 --> 00:18:08,633 [ laughing ] Okay, each 617 00:18:08,633 --> 00:18:10,367 Winner. 618 00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:11,367 I got that. 619 00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:12,900 [ laughs ] 620 00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:16,900 There you are. 621 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:19,267 You are a winner! 622 00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:21,500 Now, get your feet off my couch. 623 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,467 Okay, okay. You're right. 624 00:18:24,467 --> 00:18:26,100 Playing the lottery is a gamble. 625 00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,567 Yes, it is, and in our tax 626 00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:29,333 Bracket, we can't afford to be 627 00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:31,167 Just wasting money. 628 00:18:31,167 --> 00:18:32,500 Speak for your own tax 629 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:33,533 Bracket. 630 00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,600 I'm a businesswoman. 631 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,267 Anyway, can't a girl dream? 632 00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:38,767 Sure you can. 633 00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:40,967 Dreaming is free. 634 00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:44,067 You're right. 635 00:18:44,067 --> 00:18:45,333 But friendship costs. 636 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:50,767 This class was a joke. 637 00:18:50,767 --> 00:18:51,600 Well, the class wasn't all 638 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:52,833 That bad. 639 00:18:52,833 --> 00:18:53,733 Hey, we did a lot better 640 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:54,800 Than walter did. 641 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,700 Ha ha! I called for back-up! 642 00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:59,133 I brought in the peach! 643 00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:03,067 You didn't think you were gonna 644 00:19:03,067 --> 00:19:04,733 Get away from me that easy, did 645 00:19:04,733 --> 00:19:05,433 You? 646 00:19:05,433 --> 00:19:06,600 Both: uh-oh.